The day I knew I was strong.

A lot of things had happened to me since I lost my job last year.  To start with, the reason why I lost my job was because of an unfortunate turn of events that actually started with my poor lack of judgement.  Yes, I do admit that, there is nothing else to do but admit it then move on.  After that “poor PSDM” last year everything went downhill.  I lost friends, well I thought they were, then I lost my job, then I started to be doing odd jobs since to support my family.  Latter part of last year we found out that my sister had stage 4 lung cancer.  At first, I was thinking, we can do this!  There are a lot of medicines these days to cure it or at least alleviate the pain.  I went to Laguna, to get my sister and admit her to a hospital here in Manila.  I was thinking “oh crap! What can I possibly do to help her, I don’t have a stable job, I don’t have money”.  I only had fifty pesos in my pocket that time.  But then when she held my hand, I knew what to do.  I need to be there for her.  Then her card maxed out so we are on the “cash basis” only.  Which means that we have to buy everything and the hospital will only provide the care through their nurses and doctors.  I was thinking, well, how hard can that be I have my brother in law to help me since he is the husband and you know its kind of his responsibility.  We had an agreement, I will take care of my sister while he would go out and find us some money to support her needs.  But lo and behold he’s MIA!  Only there half of the time and when I ask him for money to buy the medicine and everything else she needs he would only say he doesn’t have money and that I should just pray.  What the heck right!  I do pray, I pray that God will give me the strength that I need for our family and most especially my sister.  But God was really good.  I was able to raise the money my sister needs through friends and family.  Since I got that out of the way I thought I can just focus on taking care of her.  Then my mom got sick!  Now, I have to be in two places everyday.  Every morning with my sister and during the afternoons I have to go home and take care of my mom.  I didn’t complained, I never complained.  I was just thinking, well at least their both doing okay, being tired has a very simple solution.  I can just take a minute to take a quick nap and I will be energized again.  Before I went to see my mom that week, we can no longer find viable veins to insert the IV.  I asked the doctor they can just administer the medicines orally (through a tube that was inserted through her nose).  I knew it in my heart the week won’t end and I would have to say good bye to her.  Then the faithful day came, I was still with my mom I received a call from my sister in law, who at that time was the one looking after my sister while I take care of things my mom needs.  She said “mahinang mahina na ate mo bumalik ka na dito”.  I was really trembling when I heard her words, I knew there was a little time left. I can’t just leave my mom for no one would be there to take care of the things she needs, I had to wait until everything is settled before I can go back to my sister.  As I enter the hospital where my sister was confined I would pass by a chapel before getting to an elevator.  As I did, I said a prayer and went on my way.  When I got out of the elevator and as I was walking down the aisle I had a feeling of sadness.  My heart was heavy and my legs could barely move.  I saw the door to her room slightly opened and my brother in law was outside with my nephew.  Tears began to fall because I knew what I was about to see would tear me apart.  I opened the door and found several nurses inside.  They were already removing the tubes attached to her.  And there she was pale as the moon in a dark starry night.  I went to her side and held her, the once vibrant person with warm touch is now gone.  I can no longer feel her heart and even though I screamed at the top of my lungs begging her to come back, she never did.  I knew I had to be strong, I knew in my heart that’s how she wanted it to be.

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