Mother dearest….

I am not a mother but my sister was. She gave birth through a C-section. I was with her during that day. We had to go to the mall to walk around for a couple of hours because the doctor said she’s not ready yet and still need to walk around so the baby will be on the right position or what (I really don’t know but we did walked for hours). Then we all went back to the hospital. She went on labor and was at it for 10 plus hours but at the end of that grueling fit, we were informed that she had to go through C-section still. With that said, fact I know is that to have a c-section is not easy. Your insides will be taken out and a lot of hands are inside you looking for your baby. After all that, she wasn’t able to move around normally because of that. What I am saying here is, how dare those people say that those who did not have vaginal birth aren’t mothers. That isn’t even how you would gauge if a woman is a mother or not. Motherhood comes after the birth, sleepless nights and making sure that your baby is okay. Being a mother doesn’t even stop even when your children are all grown up. I should know, I’m a full grown person, a working adult, and yet my mom is still doing what she has been doing since I was born. Shout out to all mothers ~ those who went through the normal birthing, c-section and those who adopted. Being a mother isn’t measured by knowing that a human being came out of your vagina, it is measured by the love you give to those blessed souls who you call children.

When the roles are reversed

Happy Mother’s day to all ❤

Ramblings of an old soul

I remember when I was a child

you’d hold me lovingly in your arms

I’d stop crying instantly

Cos I know you’d keep me from harm

And when I was in my teens

I’d always second guess myself

but you always reassure me

that I’ll always be the best

Then came a difficult time

for every parent to bear

to let their child wander

without prejudice or scare

You stayed at the sidelines

To give me room to grow

Though in your heart, you’ll always worry

that I will find my way to sorrow

I went, as any human have gone

to the abyss of loneliness and defeat

I cowered in tears and hopelessness

realizing all my worthless feat

Then you came and held me close

and whispered in my ear

My child, I love you

You don’t have to worry I am here

A sudden gush of emotions

filled my…

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I am not the only one…..

Its been a while.  I have been very busy at work that I just didn’t get the time to work on my blogs.  And I’d say I really missed writing.  A lot has happened since I wrote last, there were good and there were bad.  But I am truly blessed that I was able to go through all those with the help and guidance of God.  I’ve gotta tell you, I’m not a frequent church goer but I do believe in God, and I have a strong faith that I held on and still holding on to amidst the trials in life.

Earlier today, I was just browsing through Facebook.  I usually just read stories or articles that are shared to pass the time before I begin on my second work.  I saw this article or a video of a man making a vase out of crayola.  The artsy that I am, of course I was fascinated.  He has his own tool shed with all the tools a guy who’s into creating stuff has.  You can see that he likes all his tools and of course finds them very useful for his craft and work.  I suddenly remembered my brother in law.  He was my older sister’s husband, my sister who passed away last year because of Cancer.  I remembered him because he also has a tool shed like the guy has, he was kind of crafty too and likes to make all sorts of things, from cabinets to chairs.  I remember him valuing all his tools.  I remember him said that a tool is as good as its owner so you have got to keep on learning how to do things and not be contented with what you have learned.  He was a very big part of me and my youngest brother’s childhood.  He and my sister were together for 10 years before they decided to get married.  So he was basically a big part of my growing up years.  I remember we used to be close.  Me and my brother used to spend summers with them.  Like all marriages, theirs isn’t perfect.  Of course, in those times I would side with my sister for I always think that she deserves better.  That’s when we started to somehow grew apart, me and my brother in law.  From someone I admire and look up to, he became someone I despise the most.  Then my sister got sick.  It was straining for all of us, I know.  But everyone handles things differently.  I quit my new job so I can be there for her.  And during that time, I was really mad at my brother in law.  I can’t help but think if he did something sooner this wouldn’t be happening.  Then the faithful day came, my sister breathed her last.  I was mad, furious and extremely sad.  My sister practically raised us, and now she’s gone.  And I can’t help but feel like I have not done so much to help her.  Even now that it has been a year, it still feels like it was just yesterday.  The pain is still there, searing through my heart drilling a hole that forever will be void because of my sister’s passing.  I blamed my brother in law, was difficult to him thinking that I lost my sister because of him.  And now, seeing this man with his tools, I remembered him.  I remembered he sold everything they’ve got so he can at least give something for my sister’s medication and at the same time be able to provide for my nephew, who was only 12 years old then.  They lost their house, the one that he and my sister bought together, and when she died all they have were their clothes and things and they needed to move to a different house for the person who bought their house said its time that he and his son to vacate the house.  Its a good thing that he has his sisters to help him and his son to start a new life.

I now realized, I wasn’t the only one who lost a loved one, I wasn’t the only one who’s hurting til now, I wasn’t the only one.  He too lost a big part of his life, his wife, who he vowed to spend the rest of his life with.  I am not the only one, and I feel sorry that it took me this long to realize that.  I truly am.

I am a tool.

In most cases if someone tell you “you’re a tool” it connotes something negative.  But I would like to have a different feel to that now.  For I consider myself as a tool.  Not someone who is considered as geeky or stupid but I am a tool because I consider myself as someone who helps others achieve what they want in life by accomplishing baby steps to get to it.

I remember my last post was about finding a job.  This did help my family as I am now able to manage our finances well but most importantly aside from the monetary gain I have, there is something more to it than just numbers.  I am a teacher.  I teach English online to those who aspire to better themselves by embracing the fact that most countries now speak English, and for you to be able to catch up to the rest of the world you have to be able to communicate in a medium everybody uses.  I have several students everyday, they range from kids to young adults who are ready to take on the next level of their lives.    I see the struggle to learn and I want to be there for them.  I feel extremely happy when I see progress in my students, it may sound mushy, but as an educator that is a milestone for me.  That today, my students are a step closer to their dream than they were yesterday.  And you know what feels even better, its when your students take time to thank you for helping them.  Most can say it is my job to do so, but for them it is something even more.  The other day my student said “I want to tell you something please before we move on to the next topic”.  So I was like “okay, sure do you have any questions?” (Before starting the class, I usually tell them that they can ask me questions if there is something that they don’t understand so I can help them to.  And that they should not be shy about it because I am here to help them learn).  He said “I don’t have any questions I just want you to know teacher that I appreciate what you do for me.  You always give me corrections and suggestions to improve how I speak not like the others.  And I am really happy about it because I am now better.  That’s all teacher.”.  After that I hardly have words, it felt like there was a big lump in my throat that I can’t speak.  I was so touched that they see the effort that I put it and even happier that he can now express himself better.

My students say this all the time, you think that by hearing it a number of times you won’t get the feels anymore.  But every time a student thanks me its like hearing it the first time over and over again.  This kind of appreciation and self worth cannot amount to any denomination.  For it may be my job to teach them but its my calling to help them learn.  So yes, I am a tool and I am proud to be one.

 

“For I know the plans I have for you,declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” ~ Jeremiah 29:11

Today was most intense.  After a long streak of unlucky applications finally someone responded.  I was asked to join the training and do a demo for them.  I was really nervous for I can’t afford not to get this job, with bills piling up and debts that needs to be settled I really need it. Before the actual training and demo I prayed really hard and ask for guidance.  I can’t let self pity and frustration eat me up and not be able to do my best.  I breeze through the training and as I prepare for the demo I thought ” the easy part is over, here goes nothing”.  I breathed, prayed and went through the demo.  It seems like an hour was just like 5 minutes for me earlier. After the demo I still can’t believe it over.  As I wait for their decision, I prayed again and just lift it up to him.  I’ve done my best and I will just have to let God do the rest.  My Skype popped up, as I check on it I saw that it was my manager, as I was reading his message I can’t help but feel relieved and really happy.  I got the job!! I was like, “okay I can breathe again, Thank God! “.  So after that, I had dinner with my mom, niece and nephew and told them about the good news.  After dinner, I went to my work room so as to prepare for work in a couple of hours, the usual I would browse Facebook and check if there’s any interesting story any of friends share.  Then I stumbled upon this post.  Its a GIF video that has a lot of Bible verses, if you click on it the thing will stop on a specific Bible verse.  Lo and behold this is what I got.  I guess, its a reminder that whatever happens God will always be there you just have to keep the faith and keep believing that credit will be given when credit is due and He will always, ALWAYS take care of you.

 

message

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PING BACK: Scripture Sabbath Challenge

What is family???

I love watching TV series.  I usually watch NCIS, Criminal minds, CSI (Las Vegas, though now its just CSI, Cyber Unit which I haven’t had the chance to watch just yet), Hawaii Five-0, Bones.  Last week, I’m on NCIS New Orleans.  This particular episode hit me.  It was a story about a a gay couple whose daughter was abducted.  Its not really about the action, the suspense, but how they are as a family.  Growing up we were taught that a family consist of a father, mother and siblings.  But as I grow up its all about the people who loves you unconditionally and deeply.

Let me give you a peak to mine.  Normally, as what society dictates, consist of a mother, father and children.  When I was growing up I have a mother, 2 dads and siblings.  No, my mom isn’t promiscuous, its just that certain circumstance lead to her being separated from her first husband.  But that’s not the end of it.  My stepdad (my mother’s first husband) had emphysema.  Though separated, they still live in the same house.  So when my mom met my dad, my dad knew of the situation but didn’t mind at all.  He took care of all of us, and yes even my stepdad.  It was not all fairy tale but we our house was full of love.  My mom and dad would work, while I stay with my siblings with my step dad.  I had convulsions , I usually have this epileptic streak every now and again when I was young.  My stepdad was the last face I see whenever I had those “moments” and his face is also the first face I see  whenever I come to.  That is love.  He’s not my real dad but he loves me and he’s there for me.  So you see, not all unconventional family is dysfunctional, sometimes those kinds of family is the best any kid could ever hope and pray for.  And I can truly say I am really blessed to be born into my family, though not perfect as how society sees it but it was all I ever need. Cheers to us with unconventional families!

 

“At the right time He will bring everything together under the authority of Christ~Ephesians 1:12”

I was lost for days, even weeks now.  I have been struggling to still be happy and positive amidst the problems and anxiety that I have been swimming through.  I allot two to three hours everyday to send applications and at this point I’m still not getting any response.  I kept telling myself, everything will be fine, all my needs and my family’s needs will be met that’s for sure.  For why should I start doubting now when all God has done for me was to save me from my problems and myself.

Sometime last week I was online, as usual but can’t really get to write anything.  It seems like I’m hitting a wall each time I attempt to even write something.  Then I heard Skype’s message tone and saw that icon that means I have a new message.  I thought at first, maybe its one of my friends.  I have this one friend that I sometimes help with  her work, we used to work together as QA’s (Quality Analyst).  So clicked on the Skype icon, someone not from my contact’s list wanted to add me and sent me a message.  Lo and behold, it was an interview schedule!!! My heart leaped, after hundreds of applications one responded! Just when the tides of misery’s about to swallow me whole God’s hand dipped in and got my hand.

That moment, I felt really loved, happy and full of hope again.   Its like fresh air was breathed into my soul, making me ready to face anything again.

oOo

PING BACK: Scripture Sabbath Challenge

 

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